"Crucial" Observations

Just two weeks ago, I started a new job as the Guest Services Coordinator with Crossings: an amazing company that loves the Lord, and seeks to serve Him with their unique vision and talents. Suffice it to say, though I'm still in the midst of learning the ins-and-outs of my new position at the office, the people I work with are incredible! When someone inquires about your place of employment and asks "So what's it like working there?...," very rarely are you ever able to say: "It's like going to hang out with my friends and/or family!" These people have gone out of their way to make "work" feel like "home," and it makes a huge difference in the effectiveness of what Crossings seeks to accomplish.

During our weekly meetings, we just finished reading and discussing the book "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High." Being the avid communication addict that I am, reading sections of this book was much like giving massive quantities of chocolate to a menstruating female! It largely discusses techniques and methods that are often over-looked or under-practiced when we're confronted with highly-emotional/highly-significant situations with others (i.e. "crucial conversations"). Often times, in such intense circumstances, two reactions tend to occur: 1) people shut-down entirely - morphing into complete silence (no "making waves," silent pouting, avoidance, etc.); or 2) all Hades breaks loose (bring-on the shouting matches, fights, sarcastic games, and personal digs).

If you're anything like me, when crucial conversations arise, you make like an ostrich: cram your fearfully flustered head into the closest hole in the ground, and pray to God the whole mess just "blows over." As one can imagine: this - most often - does not solve anything, and you eventually either get knocked over by what you're trying to avoid, or you lose consciousness.

As we navigated our way through the book, it was striking to see how many basic and foundational Biblical principles were consistently presented as realistic solutions to relational issues (further proof that Scripture is relevant and applicable for all of Mankind). For example: 1) monitoring the internal stories that people tell themselves when they don't have all the information (Romans 12:2); 2) listening to others in the midst of emotional melt-downs (James 1:18-20); 3) avoiding jumping to conclusions (1 Corinthians 13); and 4) maintaining an optimistic outlook when working through a tough relationship (Philippians 4:8). Imagine that: the Bible as pertinent and sufficient to speak to the daily conditions of peoples' lives! (Note the overly-exaggerated sarcastic tone...)

So what was the most impacting element I carried away from this recent read? Well, besides the powerful reminder that Scripture is more than capable of coaching us through any curve-ball life may throw; it reminded me that loving others is not playing the role of the martyr, the sacrificial peacemaker, or the bitter tag-along in order to "stop the fighting." Loving people is listening to them, not just hearing them; understanding them, not being understood by them; and using conflict to exhort others to a common purpose, not exhaust them from your own carnal pursuits.